Wonderful Days: December 21st to 26th (Journal Entry)

December 21st to 26th were truly wonderful days. We had our 3-day District Convention from 21 - 23 and I was an attendant in the mornings of the first two days - I already focused on the talks during the third/last day. It was, admittedly, a bit exhausting as I had to stand all throughout the morning and welcome and assist oncoming brothers and sisters, and guests (I found a bit of consolation thinking that if the soldiers at Luneta could stand like statues all throughout, then I possibly can do it as well - hehe). But I never regret anything and I really enjoyed it. Being with fellow JW's has always been priceless. Sunday was a sad day when the convention finally had to end.

On the 24th, we visited our grandparents. More than a year has passed since I got to visit and it was great to be with them again. Unfortunately, it took probably only around 4 hours for me as I couldn't stay for the night (I had some important things to attend to for the following day - which I planned to start that night). I also first finished some call of duty earlier in the morning which only released me around 2:00 PM. Mama and the rest went ahead and I just followed - with a cake (Choco Fudge) as present for everyone (don't misunderstand me - I don't celebrate Christmas). I look forward to visiting again but I wonder if when's that gonna happen (sched is but just so so loaded). The dogs were wonderful - all three of them very big and playful. What made it more amazing was that they could be fed with just rice and "pancit" and they happily feast on it. I also noticed some portion of the "bakuran" covered with moss, seeming like soft touches of body hairs of the land - really beautiful. Around 6:30 PM, I left with my younger sister and brother, and with a gift cheque from Auntie - wow!

December 25th was an ordinary day. I stayed home all throughout the day preparing for my speech (and watching TV) which I shall deliver the following day. The topic was "How Can We Prepare for Persecutions?" I browsed through my stock of publications again for some quotations, the Bible, and my list of some Biblical texts. My cellphone was sick again and I had to borrow my sister's for the timer (it has to be only for 4 - 5 minutes). I was looking for Mama's Bible (Today's English Version) as I find it easier there to look for the right quotes that I need, but to no avail. Anyways, I decided to stop before 10:00 PM (forget "Hwang Jini" for the meantime, job starts at 6:00 AM the following morning and I don't want to wrestle with myself just to be awake) - "bahala na". I will rehearse the flow of the discourse again when I come home from work the following day - at around 3:00 PM.

It was 26th. I made it!!! The speech went well although I forgot to state one biblical text which I originally intended to share with everyone. Anyways, everything went well and many went shaking hands with me after the meeting. The speech took more than five minutes - I think I can be sure on that (so many added words which were not part of the original plan). But it was great and I really am grateful for Jehovah, so much. Also, another great news was that Jelson was formally made a ministerial servant - wow!!! I am truly happy for my friend and I am sure that Rose-Lynn (Jelson's wife, my closest friend) and I are ever more inspired to improve our spirituality. Such a great day.

Journal Entry: Persecution from the Self

The Self. The hardest enemy could be that whom you always look at in the mirror.

I'll be delivering a speech in the next six days. Honestly, I wouldn't want to stand in front of many people - again. I was an extemporaneous speaker from high school to college and I realized years later that I was actually being trained for some very very important tasks which I shall attend to in the future. Standing in front of my spiritual brothers and sisters, delivering a 4 to 5-minute discourse on a certain scriptural topic (and that's with notes if I want to use any), is both near and far from what I used to deal with. There's just but a really gigantic difference.

Speech competitions are, of course, tougher and are much more nerve-wrenching. I was a freshman high school student when I first had a taste of extempo speech (in Filipino). Back then, I didn't realize how hard it could be. I was (probably) just a proud kid who thought that he could make it since he seemed to be the most intelligent in class (and had other achievements). I didn't even realize that I could have ended up having to discuss a topic which I totally do not know. Fortunately, I was able to pick the theme of the occasion on that event (which was what I've been rehearsing) and so I won. The next year they made me the contestant in the English category; and it went that way until I graduated in College.

I remember one competition (freshman college - I'll never forget) when I got to pick the question "Of all the things that were taught to you about God, which do you believe is true and which is false?" I was a very complex person before and I even debated with myself whether I should tell everyone that "I do not believe I should be saying 'Amen' after every prayer" - as I do not know what it means (goodness!). But I did not end up saying that. I pointed out two factors which I used to believe to be false - that (1) God can be jealous, and that (2) we should not worry for tomorrow. I bluntly said that God can never be jealous and that he'll always understand (failing to realize that there are terms such as idolatry and Godly jealousy), and that we were given the minds and hearts to worry for tomorrow (back then I didn't know the boundary between "think" and "worry") so that we could help ourselves and others. That was gross. I may not be able to convey how exactly everything happened but I suddenly felt a need to have a private session with a priest (who was one of the judges) after that. The people were all staring at me and I was almost sure that some of them were astounded for listening to how a proud atheist (well, not really) bravely spoke of his ideals in front of a very religious audience. I was then still a Roman Catholic.

Well, that was before. A lot has changed and this time it's speech time again. It's not like a grand speech which takes for almost an hour but I still treat it as very highly important. The thing is, speeches like this require not just brains. Talking about scriptural matters calls for one who really deserves to stand in front of very God-fearing people and to carry Jehovah's name. It's been a time ever since I participated in the field service (evangelizing) as I was a failure when it comes to time management. My monthly reports range from 2-4 hours for months now . . . all garnered due to my sole Bible student whom I visit every Saturday (We'll almost finish the book "What Does the Bible Really Teach?" but I see no desire from him to attend any of our spiritual meetings). I also am very silent during meetings even if I really could give nice and faith-strengthening comments - because I'm shy and I feel like I don't deserve to do it. Yes yes yes, it's wrong - Satan has always wanted us to feel that we do not deserve to do things which could glorify Jehovah. And yes, this is also a form of what I would be talking about this coming Wednesday: PERSECUTIONS. Only that mine is a persecution from the self.

Well anyways, I should always strive for a change. I shall have it done in as best as I can, and with Jehovah's help. Truly, the most wonder of all wonders of living is knowing and counting on the true God.

Beautiful is Nighttime

Beauty in Darkness. The night possesses a grandeur that manifests truly only in darkness.

There is much to evening that we never can find during daytime. Yes, beautiful is nighttime. The eyes may be more capable of witnessing beauty during the day but, regretfully for those who couldn't see well in the dark, there is so much beauty that lay amidst darkness. I myself could see beauty inherent in darkness itself. While white remains a fundamental which transforms to a rainbow of colors when striking droplets of moisture, black simply is black. But that's just it. We never know what's really hidden. And when you see something that glows, it really glows. The night gives grandeur to things which are rather simple and bland in bare daylight.

I suggest reading "In the Moonlight" by Maupassant to realize what beauty really manifests only during nighttime. The pale-faced night brought about by the soft radiance of the moon, the serenity, the solemn songs that emanate from chirping nightingales, "which brings no thoughts but dreams" - these had all awaken in the priest (the main character of the short story) "a great desire to sit down, to pause right there and praise God in all His works." There might be things which would forever exist as opposites as beauty and ugliness, but for a day and night, there surely is beauty in both. And what of the million stars that seem to shimmer like precious gems spread widely in a carpet of blackness? They can only be best witnessed during nighttime when the world is asleep, as if it had been brought to a glorious enchantment so that only the persevering could gaze at the beauty of its possessions.

Nocturnal animals are, of course, remarkable features as well. Nightingales, crickets, the owls, the chirping and humming of which blend with the soft blow of the wind that makes the trees sway so gracefully, the leaves brushing and falling with that crisp, refreshing gentle sound - these are all features of the night. Dreadful as how others might view it, but the howling of wolves (we really don't have wolves here - just an imagination) is truly breathtaking. Another wonder would be fireflies, flying flickering lights that adorn trees on some evenings. Unfortunately, these evenings are getting less and less that it's probably already a year ever since I saw one single firefly gracing the night.

I once said: "Mornings are wonderful for they give us the sun and start us the day. Evenings, I like better; they make me yearn for daylight, and make me hope for the following day." There surely is a different message on that. But really it's an another great feature of the night. Although I couldn't live without a day, I certainly love evenings over any time of the day.

Nature and Urban Life

Nature Meets Modern World. These trees may seem out of place when towering amidst man-made infrastructures. But they certainly bring beauty that no man's artful hands could ever come up with.

Nature has it, and city has it too. Living is certainly made far more fascinating not only through how you live every single moment but also through where you live. Of course, the bottom line would always be "how" - how you manage your affairs, how you face failures, how you handle success, how you perceive life itself. But really, "where you live" affects "how you live". It's a matter of choosing where yourself would fit and life may take on a whole new different road for a better living. The glories of nature are definitely priceless. Still, the city offers various conveniences which could be easily obtained at a price - and that's one factor we want too. Nature or urban life? I wish we could fuse both but it simply is impossible.

I've been through a lot of thinking as to deciding where I would want to build a house. Not that I'm ready to have one for myself; but I sure want to be ready when I finally have the resources. I have always thought that urban life is inescapable especially if one prefers an easy access to hospitals, schools, police and fire stations, and other public facilities. It's scary to think how many hours you'd have to wait just to reach a hospital during health emergencies, and definitely scarier whenever peace, security, and safety turn out to be at stake - not to mention NPA's dwelling in the suburbs and, yes, mountains. These are the primary advantages of living in areas where you can seldom see fresh lands that turn muddy during rainy days. It may seem ideal too to be living near shopping centers and the wet market. Besides not having to travel that much just to purchase both needs and (some) wants, you're also never left out with what's currently happening with the leading establishments. What an easy life! But, well, just as I have said earlier: these conveniences are at a price. Let's see the green side of the world and see if the pastures are greener.

I live in an urban area where trees still abound and less than fifty percent of land is fortunate to remain non-concrete. There's even a river (polluted - as is usual with rivers in urban areas), birds of various species, and even snakes. Butterflies are becoming a rarity and I miss those times when I'd even see one which wings measure to around five inches in length. Clearly, this means that I'm not that deprived of nature's glories to seek for the "green side" despite the easy, updated, sophisticated, tech-oriented urban life. The usual Filipino lifestyle far from urban living involves images of farms (and thus carabaos, cows, hay, farmers with their warm attitudes, etc.). Rivers, springs, and falls are truly magnificent views. Just a sight of a mere ricefield is actually already very appealing to the senses - the plain of green "palays", fresh soil which sometimes turns to mud or becomes dry and cracked like abstract paintings in a brown canvass, cute scarecrows (I wonder what the birds would say), birds of different species, and many other features that one's eyes could only capture upon laying eyes on one of Mother Nature's bests. Of course, nothing beats seeing wild animals - such as deers - on the loose happily enjoying their natural habitat. It's not like going back to the olden days. It's having the good things of the olden days in this modern age - the beauty of nature.

I'd really prefer nature over the stressful and noisy clutter of the city. In fact, speaking of security, people in rural areas are actually kinder and warmer, and yes - I should say more innocent - than those living in the cities whom most of which we couldn't trust (I am not generalizing though). Modernization truly has its contributions to moral degradation. As with health, the fresh air and tranquil atmosphere are certainly most favorable compared to the polluted urban environment. We could always bring what we have on cities - gadgets, modern living, etc. - in living with nature's glories, but never vice versa. Perhaps it is better left that way in order that we be able to enjoy both at their fullest. Afterall, what is nature if it is to be tamed by man? And what is city if it is to remain untamed?