I'll be delivering a speech in the next six days. Honestly, I wouldn't want to stand in front of many people - again. I was an extemporaneous speaker from high school to college and I realized years later that I was actually being trained for some very very important tasks which I shall attend to in the future. Standing in front of my spiritual brothers and sisters, delivering a 4 to 5-minute discourse on a certain scriptural topic (and that's with notes if I want to use any), is both near and far from what I used to deal with. There's just but a really gigantic difference.
Speech competitions are, of course, tougher and are much more nerve-wrenching. I was a freshman high school student when I first had a taste of extempo speech (in Filipino). Back then, I didn't realize how hard it could be. I was (probably) just a proud kid who thought that he could make it since he seemed to be the most intelligent in class (and had other achievements). I didn't even realize that I could have ended up having to discuss a topic which I totally do not know. Fortunately, I was able to pick the theme of the occasion on that event (which was what I've been rehearsing) and so I won. The next year they made me the contestant in the English category; and it went that way until I graduated in College.
I remember one competition (freshman college - I'll never forget) when I got to pick the question "Of all the things that were taught to you about God, which do you believe is true and which is false?" I was a very complex person before and I even debated with myself whether I should tell everyone that "I do not believe I should be saying 'Amen' after every prayer" - as I do not know what it means (goodness!). But I did not end up saying that. I pointed out two factors which I used to believe to be false - that (1) God can be jealous, and that (2) we should not worry for tomorrow. I bluntly said that God can never be jealous and that he'll always understand (failing to realize that there are terms such as idolatry and Godly jealousy), and that we were given the minds and hearts to worry for tomorrow (back then I didn't know the boundary between "think" and "worry") so that we could help ourselves and others. That was gross. I may not be able to convey how exactly everything happened but I suddenly felt a need to have a private session with a priest (who was one of the judges) after that. The people were all staring at me and I was almost sure that some of them were astounded for listening to how a proud atheist (well, not really) bravely spoke of his ideals in front of a very religious audience. I was then still a Roman Catholic.
Well, that was before. A lot has changed and this time it's speech time again. It's not like a grand speech which takes for almost an hour but I still treat it as very highly important. The thing is, speeches like this require not just brains. Talking about scriptural matters calls for one who really deserves to stand in front of very God-fearing people and to carry Jehovah's name. It's been a time ever since I participated in the field service (evangelizing) as I was a failure when it comes to time management. My monthly reports range from 2-4 hours for months now . . . all garnered due to my sole Bible student whom I visit every Saturday (We'll almost finish the book "What Does the Bible Really Teach?" but I see no desire from him to attend any of our spiritual meetings). I also am very silent during meetings even if I really could give nice and faith-strengthening comments - because I'm shy and I feel like I don't deserve to do it. Yes yes yes, it's wrong - Satan has always wanted us to feel that we do not deserve to do things which could glorify Jehovah. And yes, this is also a form of what I would be talking about this coming Wednesday: PERSECUTIONS. Only that mine is a persecution from the self.
Well anyways, I should always strive for a change. I shall have it done in as best as I can, and with Jehovah's help. Truly, the most wonder of all wonders of living is knowing and counting on the true God.
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